If you’ve never had one of the little cake squares from NE-MO’s Bakery Shop you don’t know what you’re missing. The chocolate cake alone will put you in a sugar coma, and leave you drooling before you even finish it. These wonderful confectionary tremors can usually be found in nearly any all night gas station that sells food and beverages.

I needed a big sugar fix and scrambled to the nearset all nighter.
I was looking for a bag of Hershey’s Kisses actually, when I espied the NE-MO display. They even have little Hershey’s kisses looking things on the label. I guess that’s to tell you it’s nothing but chocolate. “PERFECT!” went through my head, and I grabbed 2 and a cup of coffee and sprinted to the counter.

You have to be careful removing the plastic wrapping on these things. They’re wrapped up tighter than Christina Aguilera at an awards show and have been manhandled, squashed, and had more things stacked on them than Madonna, so getting it out of the plastic unharmed is tricky business.

Needless to say I have mastered the art of unwrapping them. That and bra straps, although ththe latter talent doesn’t get much use lately. But either one brings me a boundless joy when it’s done (or undone) and I can survey my work.

There’s no holding the cake without making a mess, and biting into it without getting frosting on your face is nigh on impossible. And putting it down to do anything else is worthless because your fingers are a mess. So the only thing to do is keep taking bites until it’s gone. And then that’s when the nightmarish sugar headache begins.

It’s just a slight dizzy feeling at first. And I’m usually compelled to start reading the label to see if there is something in this cake-from-hell that is making me feel like this. Not like I haven’t read it thousands of times already, but maybe there’s some new ingredient somewhere. First ingredient—SUGAR. If you don’t know this, ingredients are usually listed by how much is used in the product. By now I’m quite certain this cake is 90% sugar and the work of the devil. I scan the label some more. I realize that NE-MO backwards is OMEN. Coincidence??? I think not. The more I think about it, the more this fuzzy idea comes into focus. NE-MO’s Bakery Products are nothing more than drugs, and Satan is the pusher.

Anybody got an Advil?